I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
