Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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