are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
