I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
