My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
