I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
