So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
