If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
