Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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