i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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