i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
