Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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