my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
