I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
