just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
