I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
