I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My cat gives me a boner
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
