did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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