i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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