"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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