i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
