This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
