i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
