My first STD was from a foam party
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
