i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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