The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
