Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
