if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
