Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
