So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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