I just saw a hot homeless man
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
