Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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