he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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