note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
