this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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