just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
