Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
