dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
