Non-Jews are for practice
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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