Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i will never coherently bang her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
