I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
