it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
