i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
