totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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