there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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