I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
