I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
