did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
