I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
