In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
