May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
