hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
