I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
