totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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