Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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