Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
