You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
