he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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