Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you inspire me to be a worse person
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
