his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
