Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
