do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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