I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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