Don't make out with my wife yet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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