I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
