Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
